Nityamo

     People have often asked what it was like to be physically close to Osho. I think that Shunyo, in her book, describes it similarly to the way I experienced it. In my experience, in a dental session or any situation where one was taking care of Osho's body, the feeling was one of quietness, infinite love, and acceptance – even with all the mischief. If I looked into Osho's eyes, it felt like the impersonal love of Nature... like looking at a mountain or the ocean or the night sky in the desert – beautiful and breathtaking but not personal. I had a strong sense that He didn't know who i was, even though in Pune Two I was dental assisting frequently and He would address me by name. It was a strange sensation to relate with a person who was not personally involved with you. It is like staring into an empty mirror where there is no reflection, no boundary to feel. The closer one got to Him physically with all one's expectations, the more difficult it was to feel personally loved as the emptiness ballooned out.
    During His entrances and exits to the dental room, He was like in Buddha Hall – fiery and alive and showering His love directionally. He would look us each in the eyes and sometimes make a little comment. Then I had more the sense of a real person. Osho's thereness seemed to be a reflection of our need for Him to be there. In His own rooms, He let go and relaxed into not-thereness or everywhereness.
    It is somewhat ironic that the person who was so much "not there" was trying to persuade me to be here and be strong. Also ironic because my conditioning is Northern English, where the women are extremely sharp-tongued, loud and rough, and I had spent my adult life trying to undo this kind of "strength" and thereness. Ah well, what's a Master for, if not to love us unconditionally as we are and confuse us at the same time?

(excerpted from her story in the Viha Connection of March/April 2001)